its tough to say!

It’s amazing sometimes what curve balls life throws at you. Four weeks ago my dad I never would have guessed would be gone today. Every day it gets harder that he is not here I thought it would get easier as time goes on but it doesn’t. Every day I have more memories that come back and more tears to cry I just wish I had just that much more time with him

I feel silly crying though but it’s the easiest emotion to show. I just never really realized how death would work and take a toll on so many people. My dad was a great guy he lived his life happy and with no regrets and I think that is why it’s so hard for me to say goodbye. I never thought I would have to say it. I always thought he would be back, today for the first time it really dawned on me that he isn’t coming back I won’t get to see him again.

Dads if you can read this I wish I could just say to you that I love you and give you a big bear hug and never let go. I’m sorry I never properly said goodbye but I still don’t think I’m ready to let you go. I have never been good at goodbyes you always knew that I think I get it from you because you where not good at them either. It’s hard to say goodbye to the man that loved me for 20 years of my life and never will stop loving me. I hope to someday find that same love that you had for me in another man that I will marry and have children with. I’m sad to say that I will cry on my wedding day when it comes and you are not here to see it, I know you will give your blessing when I find the right guy and I will know that you are happy because I will be happy all the time.

Granddad if you can read this I’m sorry to you to for I never really had the chance to say goodbye. Or really even get to know you as well as I could. I feel that there was a friendship that I gave away between us but I hope that you and dad are enjoying yourselves very much up there drinking coffee and having cookies and candy all day.

Grandma Levon I never really got to know you but I feel that it is important that you also get a goodbye from me and a grant to live in the afterlife with your son and I hope that you guys are catching up on much needed mother son time.
In the past three weeks I have expressed and experienced every emotion possible and I thought life would feel normal again and maybe it will in time but as for now I guess it will have to be what it is there is no controlling it.

Dad I’m sorry to day mom is trading the van in I know that it was your car and that you loved it and where so proud of it when you first got it. But I think that it’s a good choice now that they’re and not as many of us here we don’t really have the need to keep it. I am sad however to say that I took you leaving to get any action taken on the boys but I’m glad to see them heading to school. I hope that they can be happy down there with Gabi. I’m sad that you won’t be here to help me buy my first car or watch me get married, or meet my children they will always know you as a great man.

I miss you dad and hope that you can hear me talking it helps to think about it, granddad I’m sorry that I have not said anything sooner but I hope you hear my apology and except it. As for you grandma I didn’t really know you that well but I hope that you enjoy spending time with your son again, I know it’s been awhile. I love you all and miss you bunches. Please watch over the family and keep us save as you always do love you
Sarah

Dear dad

its tough to say goodbye to a great man so this is how I'm going to put it i hope its enough.
Dear DAD:
There are so many things I wanted to say to you before I had to say goodbye but I waited too long and ran out of time. I also was not sure how to put them into words that made sense so I hope this helps you as well as me.
You were my hero I never told you this. You always seemed so strong I thought you could fight through anything with our help. It’s so hard to say goodbye to the man who held my hand through everything. And would still hold through if you had the choice I’m sorry I never really got the chance to say goodbye but I know It s not really goodbye it just for now and I will see you again.
I thought I could remind you of a few things that happened in the time I remember spending with you as a child.
Do you remember when I was little the first time you let me climb on the roof and that big wind storm came and mom freaked out. Or the time when I got stuck in the apple tree and mom couldn’t get me and I had to wait three hours for you to get me out.
Remember when you used to call me Pocahontas and I could never figure out why. or when all of use where little kids and you used to come down stairs and read us bed time stories and it would make me so mad that you would fall asleep or change the words to the story.
I remember sitting on your back and fighting with Betsy who was going to comb your hair and who was going to walk on your back to give you a massage. I remember those late nights that you worked at pioneer care center and I would walk to meet you and we would walk home and have long talks together.
I remember as a younger kid waiting for Thursday to come so that we could go to the DI together and look at all the toys you always love that.
I remember you teaching me how to drive and you always where scared to let me learn something new with it like driving on the freeway it freaked you out the first time I did it. Or the first time you had to let me drive on my own you told me to call you when I got to where I was going and before I left. Remember when we lived in New Mexico and I worked at sonic and I would always bring you a cherry dr. pepper. We also had many late night talks there as well.
As I got older and time changed me I never thought of you different you where always that man I thought was invincible and to have watched you in so much pain was hard. I know its hard to say but im glad you didn’t have to suffer long.
A few things you have taught me are never give up. Always work for what you want. And treat everyone equally.
It really breaks my heart that you had to go but I can’t wait for the day that I get to be with you again.
I love you dad you mean the world to me and that will never change. Love your baby girl sarah