It’s amazing sometimes what curve balls life throws at you. Four weeks ago my dad I never would have guessed would be gone today. Every day it gets harder that he is not here I thought it would get easier as time goes on but it doesn’t. Every day I have more memories that come back and more tears to cry I just wish I had just that much more time with him
I feel silly crying though but it’s the easiest emotion to show. I just never really realized how death would work and take a toll on so many people. My dad was a great guy he lived his life happy and with no regrets and I think that is why it’s so hard for me to say goodbye. I never thought I would have to say it. I always thought he would be back, today for the first time it really dawned on me that he isn’t coming back I won’t get to see him again.
Dads if you can read this I wish I could just say to you that I love you and give you a big bear hug and never let go. I’m sorry I never properly said goodbye but I still don’t think I’m ready to let you go. I have never been good at goodbyes you always knew that I think I get it from you because you where not good at them either. It’s hard to say goodbye to the man that loved me for 20 years of my life and never will stop loving me. I hope to someday find that same love that you had for me in another man that I will marry and have children with. I’m sad to say that I will cry on my wedding day when it comes and you are not here to see it, I know you will give your blessing when I find the right guy and I will know that you are happy because I will be happy all the time.
Granddad if you can read this I’m sorry to you to for I never really had the chance to say goodbye. Or really even get to know you as well as I could. I feel that there was a friendship that I gave away between us but I hope that you and dad are enjoying yourselves very much up there drinking coffee and having cookies and candy all day.
Grandma Levon I never really got to know you but I feel that it is important that you also get a goodbye from me and a grant to live in the afterlife with your son and I hope that you guys are catching up on much needed mother son time.
In the past three weeks I have expressed and experienced every emotion possible and I thought life would feel normal again and maybe it will in time but as for now I guess it will have to be what it is there is no controlling it.
Dad I’m sorry to day mom is trading the van in I know that it was your car and that you loved it and where so proud of it when you first got it. But I think that it’s a good choice now that they’re and not as many of us here we don’t really have the need to keep it. I am sad however to say that I took you leaving to get any action taken on the boys but I’m glad to see them heading to school. I hope that they can be happy down there with Gabi. I’m sad that you won’t be here to help me buy my first car or watch me get married, or meet my children they will always know you as a great man.
I miss you dad and hope that you can hear me talking it helps to think about it, granddad I’m sorry that I have not said anything sooner but I hope you hear my apology and except it. As for you grandma I didn’t really know you that well but I hope that you enjoy spending time with your son again, I know it’s been awhile. I love you all and miss you bunches. Please watch over the family and keep us save as you always do love you
Sarah
I feel silly crying though but it’s the easiest emotion to show. I just never really realized how death would work and take a toll on so many people. My dad was a great guy he lived his life happy and with no regrets and I think that is why it’s so hard for me to say goodbye. I never thought I would have to say it. I always thought he would be back, today for the first time it really dawned on me that he isn’t coming back I won’t get to see him again.
Dads if you can read this I wish I could just say to you that I love you and give you a big bear hug and never let go. I’m sorry I never properly said goodbye but I still don’t think I’m ready to let you go. I have never been good at goodbyes you always knew that I think I get it from you because you where not good at them either. It’s hard to say goodbye to the man that loved me for 20 years of my life and never will stop loving me. I hope to someday find that same love that you had for me in another man that I will marry and have children with. I’m sad to say that I will cry on my wedding day when it comes and you are not here to see it, I know you will give your blessing when I find the right guy and I will know that you are happy because I will be happy all the time.
Granddad if you can read this I’m sorry to you to for I never really had the chance to say goodbye. Or really even get to know you as well as I could. I feel that there was a friendship that I gave away between us but I hope that you and dad are enjoying yourselves very much up there drinking coffee and having cookies and candy all day.
Grandma Levon I never really got to know you but I feel that it is important that you also get a goodbye from me and a grant to live in the afterlife with your son and I hope that you guys are catching up on much needed mother son time.
In the past three weeks I have expressed and experienced every emotion possible and I thought life would feel normal again and maybe it will in time but as for now I guess it will have to be what it is there is no controlling it.
Dad I’m sorry to day mom is trading the van in I know that it was your car and that you loved it and where so proud of it when you first got it. But I think that it’s a good choice now that they’re and not as many of us here we don’t really have the need to keep it. I am sad however to say that I took you leaving to get any action taken on the boys but I’m glad to see them heading to school. I hope that they can be happy down there with Gabi. I’m sad that you won’t be here to help me buy my first car or watch me get married, or meet my children they will always know you as a great man.
I miss you dad and hope that you can hear me talking it helps to think about it, granddad I’m sorry that I have not said anything sooner but I hope you hear my apology and except it. As for you grandma I didn’t really know you that well but I hope that you enjoy spending time with your son again, I know it’s been awhile. I love you all and miss you bunches. Please watch over the family and keep us save as you always do love you
Sarah
1 comment:
Everyone has their own way with reacting with death. So take it easy, while others try to pretend that it didn't happen and others remeber them and hold on that memory and cheerish it.
I know that dealing with death is hard. Keep writing your letters to your dad. That's something I did when derek died, and brittany did it too. It really help me with what I was going through.
And on those specail days in your life, like your wedding, and when you have childern, ect. He will be there in spirit. I know that. And I am sure right now hes playing and getting to your spirit children already.
remeber sarah, the lord loves us. He knows us, he knows what we can handle. And most importantly he is there for us. And he is always ready to listen to us and how we are feeling. He will help us.
Remeber eerything happens for a reason, sometimes we don't know or even see the reason, but in time we do. And we look back on our trial and realize how far we have come and how much we have grown.
I love you sarah. Remeber you are a child and daughter of god. Remeber the things you learnd at Laural Light camp in 2007.
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