Christmas

As most of you know i work as a nanny in minnesota while going to school to become a photographer. well the family i work for goes to florida for Christmas. So as we where opening gifts this morning i thought to myself. what does the word christmas mean to me? after that a few more questions came to mind like what is my favorite christmas pastime? what is my favorite christmas book? whats my favorite christmas gift i ever received or gave? what is my favorite christmas memory? and you know i probably could answer all of these with a simple i dont know but if i really think about it i can answer all of these questions.

1. favorite christmas pastime.

I think my favorite Christmas pastime well was in the past the advent calander and wreath. for those that dont know what that is. its a wreath that has 4 candles each meaning a different thing about christ. and for me i never really understood all of the meanings but it was always family time when i was a kid. each night for the four weeks before christmas we would get together and have a story and christmas carols. i have lots of memorys from this but the one that always comes back is What child is this. my older brother would always pick this hymn because in the second verse you get to say a swear word and mom wouldnt get mad.

2. my favorite christmas book. This one is kind of hard because there are so many that i like. but i think the one that i remember the most is papa panoff.(im not sure if that is spelled correctly) it was my dads favorite and every year on christmas eve he read it to us as kids.

3. favorite gift received and given.
I think that my favorite gift received this year would be my winter cloths i couldnt afford them but michele and brian bought them for me which is a huge blessing. i think my favorite gift i have ever got was my Oboe. My mom and dad shopped for a long time to find the perfect one for me even though at the time they couldnt really afford it they knew that it was what i wanted and they wanted the best one for me.

my favorite gift i have ever given someone this one is tough because i give so many gifts i cant really remember them all. but i think that the best christmas gift that i have given is My love and i know thats not really anything special to everyone and it sounds conseded but really i belive that the best gifts come from the heart and what better to give anyone but the love of my heart.

4. Favorite Christmas memory wow i have 21 years of christmas's to go through i dont think i can pick just one but here are a few.

I remember as a kid my parents had to put up a baby gate to keep us out of the tree. although decorating the tree was always a fun time and very precious to me.

i also remember as a kid decorating Gingerbread houses that was always a good time.The competition when there is 10 kids between who's is better is always fun.

every year for christmas as far back as i can remember my oldest sister Gabi bought my dad gouda cheese, beef stick (summer sausage), and wheat thins. it was one of my favorites to share that with him. he always made jokes about that.

When we where kids we would make gifts for out god parents every year it was great fun to deliver those.

then there is the anticipation on christmas eve of santa coming i always got so excited i threw up at least once.

then you know when your a kid you get so excited that you wake up at the crack of dawn well my mom always told us we couldnt come up until she said it was ok. so my dad would come downstairs and read us stories.

yeah i think that about sums up all my memorys.

What christmas means to me.

Christmas is one of my favorite times of year normally this year has been a bit different but christmas really means to me. its a time for showing love, kindness, charity, and lots and lots of family time.

well i hope you like this post. I hope it helps you think of what christmas means to you.

The year 2010 in one post.

OK so i have been reading other peoples blogs and they are all posting things that they have learned or experienced this year and i thought i would give you my year in a nut shell. 2010 started off pretty rocky for me I started the year in Florida with Brian and Michele where i then told them on January 1st of all days that i was going to no longer work for them and that i needed to go home. at this time i was leaving them to be with a man named Joshua pierce. i flew home on January 11Th 2010 and lived with my sister had no job because i was going to marry this man who told me he was rich. well then February came after getting engaged on February 13th,

life seemed to be great and nothing wrong i had just got my job back at shopko and i was living the high life.

then the end of march came my dad got really sick he ended up in the hospital and six days later on April 7th 2010 my dad passed away. he was my hero and i never thought i would have to live without him to call and answer my stupid questions about my car, or about my history assignments.

on April 11th 2010 i called off my engagement and broke up with the man who i thought was the one. sense then most of you know that he defiantly was not!

after that i thought my world was over i had no reason to be around i couldn't focus on school or work or anything.

i thought things couldn't possibly get any worse.

well things started to get better in may and June. but then June 21st came and my Nana passed away. which was very heart breaking she was a great Nana.

after attending the second funeral for the year i decided it was time for me to start looking for jobs outside of Brigham city i could just no longer see where my life was going to get any better.

July passed, then august and i had still not found anything or heard back from anyone.

i then decided that maybe i was supposed to stay in Utah and stick it out. so i started getting more comfortable with everything. for labor day weekend my mom wanted to go see my grandma so we drove up to Boise Idaho. which is not my favorite place because on the way there i got my first speeding ticket. while i was there the last person in the world i ever thought i would hear from again emails me. it was Michele and Brian they wanted me to come back and work for them.

on September 15, 2010 i flew back out to Minnesota. my life has gotten better sense then i feel like i have purpose again.

October was warm and we didn't see any snow, November came we still hadn't seen any snow and then Thanksgiving came Michele had just reached the 18 week mark in her pregnancy and we thought she would carry the baby to full term. we drove to Nebraska on November 21st she ended up delivering the baby at 18 1/2 weeks pregnant. They had a little boy named him Jakob. so after attending 3 funerals, loosing one fiance, a speeding ticket and moving three times. i am very glad this year is winding down to the end. I am hoping for a great and happy year in 2011.

but through all this i have learned to be humble and loving, that life can go on after loosing a loved one even though you think about them everyday. i have also learned that leaning on my family for everything is not really necessary but its nice to know they are there when you really need them. i have learned who my friends are and who aren't. My testimony of the gosspil has only gotten stronger and my love for my heavenly father has grown even more.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!! and a Happy New Year!

Skating

so for the last two months we have been taking ky skating she started out not even being able to balance on the ice but now i can hardly keep up with her she is so cute while she is out there.

just an update.

i have been so busy with taking pictures for school that i have not had time to update you guys on here.

This picture to the left is a old shed it looked really cool like something out of a story book.

its located in williams minnesota.

This is an old fashioned bell that is really cool looking.

This is a bench that faces the lake i just thought it look so lonely sitting there all by its self.

November in minnesota

I thought I would post some photos i took for my photography class. I really love how most of them turned out. The area i live in has some really fun places to photograph.



This is a grain barn its less than a mile from my house in minnesota.












this is the bathroom at the park i just thought it made for a cool picture.

















This is lake of the woods From warroad, Minnesota. very beautiful.

the new look to the house.

so Brian has been working all summer to side and stain the whole house he has also put up a new deck. and all new windows it looks really nice. he just barley finished it i was hoping i would have had a before picture from last time i was here but i didnt.

the picture with kyleigh sitting Brian's lap is on the tractor this had a lift on it that the guy helping Brian was up on painting the top widow you see in the left.
and the bottom picture is of the shed next to the house i just thought it was cool looking.

minnesota adventures.

well the last few days have been great fun. on Saturday we started the great adventure of potty training. that day was not so fun a long day of fighting about using the potty. then Sunday comes still resisting and not really getting it but less accidents. mom leaves for work on Monday and its a whole different story only one accident all day and because we did so good we took an adventure outside. along with that adventure i thought it would be fun to take some pictures so here you go.
while we where out on our walk and taking pictures we stopped at this puddle of water its probably about a foot deep this is rain water from last week that hasn't dried up yet.



while we where at this puddle kyleigh found it great fun to throw rocks in it this is after about half a dozen rocks she finally made it in the water.


while we where on our way back she found this flower and so i told her to show it to me in the camera i thought i was a pretty cool shot.
when we got back from our walk we played on the play set in the yard. i took more pictures.
here is Kyleigh on the play set while i was feeding the dog.this is what she does every time you tell her to say cheese.
one thing that is nice about living in the middle of nowhere is she can run down the street and you dont worry about cars at all.ok so this picture was while we where throwing rocks in the rain water.

i hope you all enjoyed my little photo shoot.

birthdays

well yesterday was my birthday. nothing really exciting i guess. i think as you get older the less important birthdays are for instance last year i was mad that i had to work all day and not get to do anything for my birthday. so this year same thing but i was not mad at all. i got one phone call and a bunch of birthday wishes and that was it. thanks everyone.
i am now the BIG 21and there is nothing really exciting about it so far.

THE NANNY MOBILE!!

well just to inform you all about my exciting adventure in minnesota so far. yesterday i went out and bought a newish car. i mean its 19 years old you cant really call it new. i have taken a few pictures of it some not so great but i hope you enjoy.

this is the outside.


here is the inside as you can see Kyliegh has marked her territory already.



ok i forgot to tell you this car is so old it has a tape player.
the next few are me trying to be artistic and they turn out ok.

About me

~Basic Info~
Name::	Sarah Kathleen
Age::	20
Height::	5' 8"
Hair Color::	Dark Blond
Eye Color::	Hazel
Religion::	LDS (morman)
Ethnicity::	american
Orientation::	Straight
Status::	Single
~Favorites~
Color?:	Hot Pink
Hair Style?:	Awesome
Food?:	Italian
Soda?:	Dr. pepper, or Mountain Dew
Alchoholic Beverage?:	Don't drink
Store?:	Shopko of course
Mall?:	Any as long as they have maurices and vanity
State?:	Florida or Illinois
City?:	Brigham city
Animal?:	Dog
Movie?:	Hairspray
TV Show?:	The Secret life
Book?:	The covenant Child
Music?:	Pop
Song?:	California gurls
Band/Artist?:	katy perry
Website?:	facebook.com
~This or That~
Soda or Juice?:	soda
Music or Internet?:	Internet. just because my school is on there
Rock or Rap?:	Rock – rap
Dogs or Cats?:	dog
White or Black?:	white
Myspace or Bebo?:	facebook
Cell Phone or I-pod?:	both
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?:	Straight hair
Lap-Top or Computer?:	lap top
Corded Phone or Cordless?:	Cordless
Mountain Dew or Pepsi?:	Mountain Dew
Pen or Pencil?:	Pencil
MP3 Player or I-pod?:	iPod
Single or Taken?:	Single
School or Work?:	both
~Random~
What do you do on your spare time?:	school
What do you wish you had more time for?:	everything
Whats your usual clothing style?:	casual
Whats your usual hair style?:	straight
What are you wearing?:	shorts and a t-shirt
Who would you die for?:	friends, family, anyone i love
Whos your best friend?:	my sister
How long have you been friends?:	sense i was born
How did you and your best friend meet?:	im guessing when i was born in the hospital
Do you have any pets?:	no but my family has 3 dogs and 3 cats and a one legged bird names chester
Do you plan on getting married?:	someday
Do you plan on having kids?:	hopefully
If so, how many?:	2 or 3
How old did you wish you were?:	i like the age i am i dont wish to be any younger
If you were to be anywhere right now, where would you be?:	the bahamas enjoying the sunshine
Why?:	because i love it there
Ever gone Camping?:	Yea who hasnt
Have you ever caught a fish and ate it?:	yes then i cooked it and ate it
Have you ever gone water skiing?:	yes
Have you ever gone water tubing?:	yes
Have you ever gone skiing on a mountain?:	No
Have you ever gone tubing on a mountain?:	yes
Have you ever gone Snowboarding?:	no
Ever gone to church?:	every sunday
Ever gone to a famous water park?:	Atlantis resort in the bahamas, or The worlds largest indoor water park
Ever gone out of State?:	yeah lots of times
Ever gone out of the country?:	yup
When was the last time you left town?:	yesterday
Anything you got planned for this weekend?:	nope just working and homework
Is this survey curing your bordom?:	nope not really
Do you resemble anyone famous?:	no
Are you related to anyone famous?:	not that i know of
Do you think your hott?:	of course i am just look at me
Do other people think your hott?:	why dont you take a survey on it and let me know
Do you think your skinny?:	i am neither skinny nor fat i like me for who i am
What year were you born in?:	1989
Ever been on a blind date?:	yes
What do you enjoy doing when your bored?:	watching a movie, or reading
What do you do in the summer time?:	swimming, camping, 4 wheeling, boating.
Are you naturally tanned?:	No
Or are you kinda pale?:	Yeah..
Do you live in a house?:	Yeah

just an update

so Friday morning i had my wisdom teeth surgically removed. other than him putting the needle in me to put me to sleep i don't remember much of Friday. Saturday i slept most the day i think i probably was awake for four hours if that all day on Saturday. now today is Sunday i officially look like a chipmunk. the pain has not really died down much yet i hope it does soon. other than that nothing to exciting happening.

ugh!!!

i just don't get it. i thought life was supposed to be easy. why is it that i never get a break? the times i feel like i am getting a break is when i am at work is that sad. i mean isn't being at home supposed to be relaxing. instead i am up late at night hoping that no one knocks on my door asking whats for dinner or who's job it is to cook it. it is ridiculous yeah i don't mind grocery shopping but it has to be done every week and sometimes i cant do it exactly seven days apart. I'm sorry i am a real adult that has a job. not only that but then they all come at me angry because the food that was supposed to last until Wednesday is gone.
i know this post just seems so negative but I'm tired of feeling like I'm not important to anyone until it comes time to eat again.
or when she needs a ride to the doctor or the post office and heaven forbid she miss any of those visits.
and on top of all this stress in my life i have to add me trying to have a life outside of the family. i love you guys but i don't have any friends i think its time that i have other things to do than work, school, grocery shopping and cooking for the family.
and on top of that i am having my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday and i am not excited its going to hurt I'm scared and don't really want to do it even though it needs to be done. but i guess its better now than later when they hurts more.
other than my overly stressed level of stress i have nothing else exciting is happening. but i have to add in i have decided that fathers day is defiantly my least favorite holiday so far this year even though Easter pretty much sucked to.
peace yo!

What should i do

So i am going to write this to ask your opinion. i am kind of at a cross roads as you could call it in my life right now where i need to decided weather to keep looking for a nanny job or stick it out here at shopko. i love working with everyone at shopko but the pay sucks. and as far as nanny jobs go i have been looking for two months now and have found a few family's but they decided to hire someone else. so in you guys opinion which do yo think would be better for me to do?
love you all
Sarah

Im just not ready

as some of you know im not handling my dad being gone as well as i probably could or even as well as i let on. today they started cleaning my moms room and throwing his stuff away. im not ready its so hard to watch every little thing that he had and all the little memories have to be thrown away. some days i never know if i will be ready to say goodbye its not fair that i have to. i want to just walk away from it all i wish i could. but every memory with my family i have has him in it.
it seems like my mom could care less that she is just so ready to get rid of everything that was his but some of it hold strong memories for me. its never fair to have to say goodbye i know but i was not ready and i dont think i ever will be. he was my dad, my hero, and sometimes he was my life. he always knew how to make me smile when i was down. he was always willing to rub my shoulder or scratch my back when it was itchy. no matter what the situation i was going through he knew how to fix it. why did you have to leave now. i wish that i was better at expressing myself to the right people that would help but its hard to talk out loud to people about it. but who are the right people that could help. nothing can bring my dad back he is gone. everyone ask me what wrong what wrong. don't you think you should know i lost my dad, and the man i thought was my best friend all within a week of eachother you really expect me one month later to just act like it never happend. i have night mares while im sleeping and so i cant sleep because im scared to. then they expect me to beable to talk about it with them i dont even know how to put it into words in my own head.
the bottom line is I MISS MY DADDY!

its tough to say!

It’s amazing sometimes what curve balls life throws at you. Four weeks ago my dad I never would have guessed would be gone today. Every day it gets harder that he is not here I thought it would get easier as time goes on but it doesn’t. Every day I have more memories that come back and more tears to cry I just wish I had just that much more time with him

I feel silly crying though but it’s the easiest emotion to show. I just never really realized how death would work and take a toll on so many people. My dad was a great guy he lived his life happy and with no regrets and I think that is why it’s so hard for me to say goodbye. I never thought I would have to say it. I always thought he would be back, today for the first time it really dawned on me that he isn’t coming back I won’t get to see him again.

Dads if you can read this I wish I could just say to you that I love you and give you a big bear hug and never let go. I’m sorry I never properly said goodbye but I still don’t think I’m ready to let you go. I have never been good at goodbyes you always knew that I think I get it from you because you where not good at them either. It’s hard to say goodbye to the man that loved me for 20 years of my life and never will stop loving me. I hope to someday find that same love that you had for me in another man that I will marry and have children with. I’m sad to say that I will cry on my wedding day when it comes and you are not here to see it, I know you will give your blessing when I find the right guy and I will know that you are happy because I will be happy all the time.

Granddad if you can read this I’m sorry to you to for I never really had the chance to say goodbye. Or really even get to know you as well as I could. I feel that there was a friendship that I gave away between us but I hope that you and dad are enjoying yourselves very much up there drinking coffee and having cookies and candy all day.

Grandma Levon I never really got to know you but I feel that it is important that you also get a goodbye from me and a grant to live in the afterlife with your son and I hope that you guys are catching up on much needed mother son time.
In the past three weeks I have expressed and experienced every emotion possible and I thought life would feel normal again and maybe it will in time but as for now I guess it will have to be what it is there is no controlling it.

Dad I’m sorry to day mom is trading the van in I know that it was your car and that you loved it and where so proud of it when you first got it. But I think that it’s a good choice now that they’re and not as many of us here we don’t really have the need to keep it. I am sad however to say that I took you leaving to get any action taken on the boys but I’m glad to see them heading to school. I hope that they can be happy down there with Gabi. I’m sad that you won’t be here to help me buy my first car or watch me get married, or meet my children they will always know you as a great man.

I miss you dad and hope that you can hear me talking it helps to think about it, granddad I’m sorry that I have not said anything sooner but I hope you hear my apology and except it. As for you grandma I didn’t really know you that well but I hope that you enjoy spending time with your son again, I know it’s been awhile. I love you all and miss you bunches. Please watch over the family and keep us save as you always do love you
Sarah

Dear dad

its tough to say goodbye to a great man so this is how I'm going to put it i hope its enough.
Dear DAD:
There are so many things I wanted to say to you before I had to say goodbye but I waited too long and ran out of time. I also was not sure how to put them into words that made sense so I hope this helps you as well as me.
You were my hero I never told you this. You always seemed so strong I thought you could fight through anything with our help. It’s so hard to say goodbye to the man who held my hand through everything. And would still hold through if you had the choice I’m sorry I never really got the chance to say goodbye but I know It s not really goodbye it just for now and I will see you again.
I thought I could remind you of a few things that happened in the time I remember spending with you as a child.
Do you remember when I was little the first time you let me climb on the roof and that big wind storm came and mom freaked out. Or the time when I got stuck in the apple tree and mom couldn’t get me and I had to wait three hours for you to get me out.
Remember when you used to call me Pocahontas and I could never figure out why. or when all of use where little kids and you used to come down stairs and read us bed time stories and it would make me so mad that you would fall asleep or change the words to the story.
I remember sitting on your back and fighting with Betsy who was going to comb your hair and who was going to walk on your back to give you a massage. I remember those late nights that you worked at pioneer care center and I would walk to meet you and we would walk home and have long talks together.
I remember as a younger kid waiting for Thursday to come so that we could go to the DI together and look at all the toys you always love that.
I remember you teaching me how to drive and you always where scared to let me learn something new with it like driving on the freeway it freaked you out the first time I did it. Or the first time you had to let me drive on my own you told me to call you when I got to where I was going and before I left. Remember when we lived in New Mexico and I worked at sonic and I would always bring you a cherry dr. pepper. We also had many late night talks there as well.
As I got older and time changed me I never thought of you different you where always that man I thought was invincible and to have watched you in so much pain was hard. I know its hard to say but im glad you didn’t have to suffer long.
A few things you have taught me are never give up. Always work for what you want. And treat everyone equally.
It really breaks my heart that you had to go but I can’t wait for the day that I get to be with you again.
I love you dad you mean the world to me and that will never change. Love your baby girl sarah